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February 6, 2019

Overwhelmed

I can’t count the number of times I use this word to describe how I’m feeling.

“I’m just so overwhelmed.”  “This is all so overwhelming!”  “Why am I letting this overwhelm me?”  “I’m just so overwhelmed and frustrated.” 

While there isn’t one specific thing that overwhelms and frustrates me, it is usually related to either raising our children, homeschooling our children, or managing our home. 

I take on huge loads and then slowly get crushed under them.

Thoughts of doubt and frustration pour in from all sides.  The house isn’t clean.  What are we going to eat for supper?  The kids are whining yet again.  Are we going to have enough money this month? I want to bake but don’t have enough time.  Are we eating healthy enough?  Benji is falling behind in math. Why are the kids whining again?  I want them to enjoy learning but I don’t know how to foster a love of learning.   Should I spend more time with them?  We need to read aloud more.  Am I letting them get bored enough?  They need to be outside more.  How am I supposed to do this whole nature study thing anyways?  I need to be more supportive of my husband.  Am I speaking his love language? I need to make sure and fill his love bank Are the kids seriously whining again?  Maybe I should exercise more.  How can I get more sleep?  My water intake is too low. Did I read my Bible today? Would the kids go to sleep so that I don’t have to listen to them whining! And the list goes on and on all day long.

Overwhelmed by homeschooling.  Overwhelming motherhood.  Homeschooling is hard.

The load piles up until I feel like I’m drowning, completely overwhelmed by the load I’m carrying.  I feel frustrated that I can’t get my act together, work harder, do more, and keep my cool.  I cry and vent to my ever patient hubby.  He reminds me that I don’t need to do ALL the things, that he’s here to help too and that I don’t have to be great at everything or anything.  I get it together and think that this time it’s going to work.  But a couple weeks later we do it all over again. 

I doubt I need to explain what the word overwhelmed means – at least not to a mother! 

But for the fun of it let’s see what the dictionary has to say:

1. bury or drown
beneath a huge mass.  

Synonyms include:  swamp, submerge, engulf, bury, deluge, flood, inundate

2. defeat completely. 

Synonyms include: defeat (utterly/heavily), trounce, rout, beat (hollow), conquer, vanquish, be victorious over, triumph over, worst, overcome, overthrow, crush

When did we start using a word that describes flooding and war to describe our life as a woman, a wife or a mother? 

I don’t want to be overwhelmed anymore.  I don’t want to be buried under the weight of womanhood, wifehood and motherhood.  I don’t want to be utterly defeated by life and the responsibilities it brings. 

Instead I want to embrace joy, patience, victory, hard work and most of all letting go of the need to be enough all the time.  I know that I am enough, I’m doing enough, I’m being enough even when it doesn’t feel like I am. 

This was me about a year and a half ago. 

I was defeated, overwhelmed, continually frustrated  At the point when I wrote this, I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  But I was ready for a change!

Are you ready for a change? 

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